Adventures in Denmark

I’m not going to lie, this has been something I have been wanting to write for some time now.  It has been heavy on my heart and mind for quite a few months.  Now, I can finally write about it.

Yesterday, I was having a great conversation with one of the girls.  In our conversation, she was telling me that this year was the worst year of her life. There have been so many trials, obstacles, and problems she has had to face. In the most trying of times, she did something many of us would do: pray.  She went on to say that all of a sudden, God just became…silent. Things kept getting worse and God became more and more silent.  The hurt was well-shown by her and it seemed like nothing could repair it.

A couple months ago, I witnessed God’s silence for the first time.  I felt extremely lonely and I could see the Devil’s hand in my life.  I saw myself self-destructing.  There were many nights I prayed with tears running down my face.  I was begging God to intervene.  What did I receive?  Silence.  More silence.  And more silence.  Where was God in all of this?  It seemed like He had ran far ahead of me and left me behind.  I’m not going to lie, I have never felt so hurt by God in my life.

Ironically last night, both the girl and I admitted to each other that we came to the point of questioning the very existence of God in our lives.  We felt like God had given us more than we could bear and we both cracked.  

This morning, I skimmed through the story of Job in the Bible.  Life was going good for him and then God allowed the Devil to destroy Job’s life.  In the book of Job, we find Job trying to reach out to God for about 35 chapters.  What did God do?  Nothing.  He was silent.  Who knows how many days, weeks, or months Job went through this ordeal all while God was silent.  Finally in chapter 38, the Bible says, “The Lord answered Job out of the storm.”  For the next three chapters, God couldn’t keep silent anymore.  In furious rage and anger, God justifies Himself as the omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent Creator that He is.  

God goes on to question Job.  And He goes on to question me, the girl, and to you.  ”Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation (Job 38:4)…everything under heaven belongs to me (41:11).  Where were you when I painstakingly made you and wrote the plans for your life?”

Out of the storm in my life, God has reminded me He is the supreme Maker and Caretaker.  Though I still have feelings of hurt and distrust, I also have feelings of humility and reverence.  

Oswald Chambers writes in My Utmost for His Highest:

When you cannot hear God, you will find that He has trusted you in the most intimate way possible— with absolute silence, not a silence of despair, but one of pleasure, because He saw that you could withstand an even bigger revelation.

The Creator’s silence is His way of saying He wants to be intimate with us. This is the calm before the storm.  When God finally rises up and speaks out of the storm, it’s going to be the chaos that will be silenced.  

This week I had the privilege of taking one of the guys out to dinner just to get away from the school and talk about different things going on in our lives.  As the boy was talking about past relationships and forming new ones, he said, “Ashok, love has no boundaries.”  Love has no boundaries.  For some reason, this one statement really hit me.

Over the course of the last 9 months here in Denmark, I have learned a lot about myself and others.  I have found out that everyone is searching for love. Yes, that means you and it definitely means me.  We all have this emptiness in us that we want to fill.  Some of us search for them in relationships while others search for them in success.  We all have our own individual pursuits.  

Being away from home has really taken its toll on me (starting in college and continuing in Denmark).  I miss being in a place where I am loved.  I miss hugging and kissing my parents every morning and night.  I miss being around my sister who I can talk about anything with and accepts me for who I am regardless of what decisions I make.  I really miss these things.  So it has caused a void in me.

In the course of 9 months, I will admit that I have tried to fill my void with things that I thought would satisfy me.  It wasn’t up until a couple days ago that I made a discovery.  While I have been here, I don’t really remember asking God to satisfy me with His love.  Maybe it’s because I like things that are tangible.  God’s love isn’t something that can be seen, touched, bought, or sold.  It is freely given in some unseen form.  The problem that arises is me.  Am I willing to accept something that isn’t tangible?  

It all goes back to the boy’s statement: “love has no boundaries.”  God’s love has no limits.  It has no bounds.  It can satisfy what may seem impossible to satisfy.  So, it is up to me to accept God’s love in faith that He will satisfy me.  

Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. He crowns you with love and compassion and satisfies your desires with good things.

-Psalm 103 (My favorite Psalm)

P.S. Though I miss home dearly, I don’t want to leave Denmark. I like it here :)

Photo credit: Annika Karina Galindo

If you walk into my room in the boys building or if you skype me, you will see about 40-50 4x6 inch pictures stuck on my closet.  It’s a great conversation starter because people get to see the life I lived before I came to Denmark.  They get to see my family, relatives, friends, and influential people in my life.  Each picture has a story.  That is why my “wall of pictures” reminds me every day what I live for.  

The other day, a boy named Thor came into my room.  Amazingly enough, it was the first time this year he had come inside my room.  Immediately he starts browsing through all of my pictures and then he points out this one (photo pictured above).  

“You drive a Mini Cooper?  You must really miss it.”  

I thought about my answer for a moment.  

“Of course I miss it!” I said as I thought about the sound of the exhaust, the slick gear changes, and its go-cart-like handling.  ”But…I’m going to miss you guys more.  I love driving my car but it’s no fun when I can’t have the people I care about most around me.”  

Thor, in his Copenhagen accent, simply said, “This is true.”  He flashed at me one of his Thor-like, “big baby” smiles and walked away.

I love people.  They are what I value most in this life God has given me.  

When I get back to Andrews, I will have a wall of pictures (like this one below) of my kids from Vejlefjord.  

-Thor and I in giant sumo suits.

The great Dane Hans Christian Andersen was right: “To travel is to live.” Living in and traveling around Europe has definitely been an eye-opening experience for me.  While spending the last 8 months here, I have learned a lot.  It seems like every day I’m learning something new.

I feel like the biggest lesson that I have learned here is to be open-minded. Coming from a mash-up of two very conservative, rigid cultures (Indian and Seventh-Day Adventist), it’s easy to be close-minded.  I feel that God has been trying to slowly break away different bonds in me so I can see things from a different point of view.  It has definitely been His way of telling me to be more open about everything: life, religion, culture, and people.  Ultimately, I think it will help me as I relate to people.  

As a Christ-follower, I feel like it is really important to be as open as possible to be able to love as many as possible (1 Corinthians 9:19-23).  After all, that’s the message of Jesus (John 3:16).  

Does this mean that I rid myself of my morals?  No, if anything I need to stick closer to them.  There is a fine line between being open-minded and close-minded.  It’s a hard line to find and an even harder line to follow.  But through constant prayer and God’s leading, I’ll be able to walk that line.  

Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; 
He’s the one who will keep you on track.

-Proverbs 3:6 (The Message)

P.S. If I ever get the opportunity, I will move to England.  

Spring has officially arrived in Denmark.  The flowers called “A Thousand Joys” are popping up everywhere.  This is the season of new beginnings; the old is going, the new is coming.  This is also the season of transitions.

Like a lot of other 21 year old guys, I’m right in the middle of the transition between boyhood and manhood.  Never before have I had more questions about life, God, dreams, and my destiny.  I guess you could call it a “quarter-life crisis.”  It’s scary, I’ll you that.  It’s scary to be unsure of what the future holds.  It’s also been very frustrating because through a lot of prayer, answers to my questionings have been quite slim.

I was listening to an interview this morning by a musician called Aaron Gillespie.  He said something that really hit me:

“When you surrender to what God has for your life, everything else comes to life.  So surrender, give up, and give in.  Your life is not yours anyways.”

It’s never easy to surrender.  But right now, it’s my only (and best) choice.  I only have 14 weeks left in Denmark.  Then after that, I only have 2 more years at Andrews.  By the end of those 2 years, I hope I will have made that transition into manhood.  I hope I’ll be ready for what some call “the real world”.  Only time will tell.  

If I choose to surrender, “A Thousand Joys” will greet me wherever I go, with whatever I do, and with whoever I meet.

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? 

-Isaiah 43:18-19

The bond between a mother and her son is a strong one. I know it all too well.  I know how it feels to have my Amma worry about me day and night.  After all, I’m thousands of miles away from home.  But what about those times when my mom was unsure about the direction I was going.  I’ll admit it, I’ve had moments when I was unruly, undisciplined, and flat-out stupid.  I couldn’t imagine the worry my mom had for me during those times.  Yet she stayed strong and kept praying for me, believing that my life would turn out for the better.

One of the first boys I met in Denmark reminded me of my old self.  I guess that’s what started this tight-knit relationship with each other.  His name is Mike.  Through our friendship, Mike told me about the hard times in his life.  He then told me how his mom stayed strong and always believed in him.  Though she worried about her son, she was confident that his life would turn out for the better.  And she did everything she could to give her son the very best, like sending Mike to Vejlefjord.

That’s when I came to Denmark.  Through my friendship with Mike, God has allowed me to inspire this kid.  He’s not the same kid that his mom, friends, teachers, and deans once knew.  No, instead Mike is a leader among his friends, on the basketball court, in the classroom, and in his family.  

Mike invited me to his house this past Sunday for dinner.  His mom was a former chef on a cruise line.  She cooked us the most amazing dinner I have had in at least two years.  While I sat in their living room spending time with them, I could see the mom’s love for her son.  Her soft eyes gazed and her unforced smile radiated on Mike.  I saw pride, joy, and solace in her.

She messaged me these words yesterday:

Mike is very happy to have you.  Thank you very much for being there for my son.  It is a blessing for me and him.  Your friendship is doing him good….I am proud of him!

Like I said in the beginning, I know the bond between a mother and her son.  If I restored and strengthened this bond between Mike and his mom, then it has to be the biggest privilege I have ever had in my life.  I can’t thank God enough for it.  All the credit goes to Him.